Waiting for Tea and Crumpets, Part 2
The rant continues… (ironic that I usually struggle to post one article a week. But get me on a soapbox and watch the posts come rolling out)
Along with having an inexperienced hero, I also committed the faux pas of having the hero and heroine wait until their wedding night (omigosh! Say it ain’t so!). Call me religious (I am) and call me old-fashioned (I am), but I firmly believe that that’s the only (and best) time for tea and crumpets. That’s one reason I prefer Regency romances–nine times out of ten, the heroine wears white before she wears nothing. Patricia Veryan is one of my favorite authors (she writes Georgian and Regency), and that’s the way her characters finally get together (at least, it is in all the books I own.) I think there was one time the hero and heroine couldn’t wait (he would likely be captured/killed before they could find a minister), but even then they said the wedding vows to each other before they hit the bed.
I understand that historical heroes were rarely inexperienced. The mores of the day expected men to sow their wild oats, to keep a bit of muslin, to visit the soiled doves. Fine, dandy. But the mores of the day also expected the women to stay innocent until called upon to do their wifely duty. It would be highly unlikely that the hero and heroine would be doing it anywhere and everywhere (as seems to be the case in some books). Mainly because if anyone found out:
- If the heroine has a protective father/brothers/guardian, the hero would likely find himself at the altar posthaste with a pistol aimed at his back. Or
- The heroine would likely find herself turned out of her home, or married off to the nearest rich, almost-dead nobleman the parents could find, or pregnant
True, I was the one ranting that most romances are unrealistic (that’s one reason we read them), so I shouldn’t hold other writers to a historically acurate standard. And I’ll admit that some of my other heroes are experienced men, while not all the heroines are pure and maidenly. But once my hero and heroine get together, they don’t hit the sack until they commit before God and man to stay together. From a writer’s standpoint, waiting until marriage is one way to show that this relationship is different from all the previous relationships, that this is The One, the Happily Ever After. From a reader’s standpoint, not waiting isn’t only wrong, it ruins the romance and the story.
Well, the chances of marketing my little story seem slimmer and slimmer–an unrealistic hero who waits for marriage to have tea and crumpets, and then once I get the hero and heroine up into the bedroom and all tender and tense, I shut the bedroom door and let the reader fill in the rest. I’ll talk about my view on explicit tea and crumpets in the next installment of this not-so-little rant.
January 25th, 2006 at 11:54 am
Hi Nessili…Bonnie Calhoun here! If you want the head-banging icon, just put your mouse pointer over it. Right click, and save as….That will save it to yur pictures on your harddrive. Then just upload it to your blog like you would do with any other picture. Some programs have a hard time desciphering the .gif tag but it should work for you. Let me know how you make out.
January 26th, 2006 at 12:16 am
Have you thought about marketing it as Christian fiction? you don’t need an agent! Try Harlequin, they have a womens, christian fiction line, and you can submit yourself. Go to their website for the addresses:
http://www.eharlequin.com/cms/learntowrite/ltwArticle.jhtml?pageID=021101wu00001
They have offices in Toronto! I’ll pray for your success!
January 26th, 2006 at 2:40 am
Hey Bonnie–
Thanks so much for the thought (and the prayers!). I’ve considered it, but then again, the story’s neither fish nor fowl. I am a Christian, and as such there are certain things I won’t write (i.e. taking the Lord’s name in vain or the f-word or explicit scenes or premarital sex). However, there are some things that I do allow my characters to do. Once they’re married, my characters can have tea and crumpets–I just leave the room before they get too into things. Also, I don’t cuss, but some of my characters do (with the above exceptions). My characters do pray and talk to God, and I make sure they give thanks when God answers the prayers, but they don’t come out and say “Yo, I’m a Christian.”
Another thing–many of the Christian romances I’ve read (I like Janette Oke muchly) are very good, but far too many come across as contrived, trite, and/or insipid (unless things have really changed in the past few years). The last time I checked the typical requirements for Christian romances, there weren’t any sexual situations of any sort allowed (I’m not even talking a full-blown tea party here, just brewing the tea and buttering the crumpets). One line I looked at also said absolutely no cussing.
So it seems I’m too worldly for Christian publishing, and not worldly enough for mainstream. It’s a fine line, but I don’t feel convicted for writing the way I do, so I’m not going to worry about being a bad Christian (tho’ don’t get me started on what some well-meaning people have to say about Christians who write fantasy. I usually have a two-word answer for them. Tolkien. Lewis. End of discussion.)
BTW, how do you deal with these issues?
January 27th, 2006 at 12:27 am
I pick my battles! How important is maybe a dozen words compared to a whole manuscript? There are a lot of Christian publishers who are getting really edgy. I’m reading, Comes a Horseman by Robert Liparulo. All I can say is OMG! WestBow, the publisher has come a long way.
It couldn’t hurt to try and the good part is for quite a few of them, you don’t need an agent. What if they said they loved the book but you had to change say two dozen words? what would your choice be!
January 27th, 2006 at 3:05 am
Grin Yeah, I guess I did sound pretty uppity, didn’t I. Okay, you’re right. It wouldn’t hurt to try. Of course, that means now I have to actually get the thing out there. Eek! (nessili is cowering in a corner, clutching her manuscript to her chest and whimpering, “No, No, Not a synopsis and query letter! Angels and ministers of grace, defend me!”)
Keep on me, Bonnie. I’d appreciate the push!
January 27th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
Over the weekend, I’ve got a new section to put up on the lower left sidebar, on writing a synopsis, so it may be of some help. I think I’ll write a review to sum them all up because sometimes they conterdict each other. But watch for it…..and get out of that corner girlfriend!.:-)
Say it loud, “I’m a woman and I’m proud!” Stand up, throw those shoulders back, put that manuscript in the mail…and strut your stuff!